LIfe and its extraordinary chaotic beauty

OK I'm in a pretty good mood these days. I usually have more to write about when i feel shitty but i will give it a try.

For the last couple new years I have made resolutions that I want to stick to. Things I know I need, to better my life. Usually something sort of general like, "This year id like to better myself somehow" or face some fears that have been holding me back. Something positive that makes me get out there again. After suffering some bad times I kind of insulated myself from having it happen again. The problem with that is , it also keeps me from taking chances and tasting the random events that make life fun. I like to have stories to tell about things I have done. A lot of the best ones at the time are a bit scary or things i probably shouldn't be doing. There is risk involved with the best things in life. If you stop taking chances you more than likely wont get hurt but at the same time your probably not going to have much fun either. I'm not talking about cliff diving from a hundred feet up in the air. I'm talking about those things that make you immediately say " No way ill never do that" or " I don't like x so i don't even want to try" When really tasting a little bit of everything adds so much flavor to life. If you eat an apple and it tastes bad , are all apples from now on bad? I think that's narrow minded. Sure if you eat 50 bad apples chances are your not going to like the fifty first apple either but still there is a chance you might taste the best apple you ever had.
I have made all the declarations myself too. I will never...have a gf again, never go to another wedding again, never want to go out and meet new people again etc. I have made them all many times over. Last night I went to a wedding and I only knew one person there. I met tons of new people, and the girl I took with me asked if she could call me her bf. In a matter of one night I managed to do half my list of things id never do again. Topped off with it was a great time, she makes me happy and I'm glad she is in my life and we did things that were amazing. (no not that you perv's)
Was i anxious? hell yes i was. All week i knew i was going to a wedding with her and that id know, no one there. I think i lost sleep over it. Second guessing myself all over the place. Scared and anxious i went anyways. Am i a hypocrite? hell yes i am. That is ok too though. Things change constantly. To never sway your opinion is to stop growing. New information should have a chance to filter through past experience. Experiences that have left me drained and hating life in the past may not be the same the next time through.
I woke up on the wedding day a bit late. I was feeling sick to my stomach, couldn't eat. Did anyway. Got dressed in my new suit. Decided my hair needed to be cut so i went to my good friends salon. I showed up in a suit and she giggled, " Dale! Whats the special occasion?" I told her i was going to a wedding. "Who's wedding?" she asked. " I don't know who's wedding it is,' I replied. " Are you going as a date?" she starts giggling as i smile, " Didn't you say, you would never have another gf?" Wait a second i thought, why does going to a wedding as a date constitute me having a gf. (guys aren't supposed to know the rules i guess) "Well Dale if your going to a wedding with a girl as a date she must be your gf." I'm couldn't follow her logic but again I'm not really equipped to understand women. At least i know that much. Sandra giggles and begins cutting my hair singing "dale has a gf.." over and over with a place full of customers and her friends. I stand up and ask," Am i beautiful now? are there any tags on my shirt etc? is my tie on right etc etc etc" I raise my arms up and they begin primping me for a few minutes making sure i look good. I soaked that up, the attention was nice. I giggled as i left and they all had a good chuckle at my expense. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. They could tell i was nervous and that made it funny.... for them.
I get to her place and pick her up and we go to the wedding. The ceremony was neat. I'm still a bit cynical about weddings. It always makes me giggle when i hear the same old plop at every wedding,"You two are going to make it", " Of all the couples i know your the two that get along the best with the best chances for success".....puke! But after the i do's and the speech's it gave me a warm feeling inside. Its good to know that people are at least trying to spread love around.
Even if it only lasted a week. At least they had this week to enjoy the magic.
The wedding was located at minter gardens. I had never been there before. It was spectacular. the landscaping was breath taking. A great place to get married really. But after the ceremony it started raining and we had to hide from it. A few hours later when it stopped raining and was almost to dark to see anything the gardens were closed down for the night. They had security guards wandering around keeping people out of the gardens. Well, being told i cant do something and its harmless is like catnip. I grabbed her hand and said we should go wandering. We didn't make it far into the place before finding a gazebo nestled into a dark corner. Everything was surrounded by statues and flowers etc. Stunning place really. So we went in and sat down in the dark. Talking, giggling and kissing we were having fun. Security spies us on his rounds. I laughed and told him we weren't doing anything bad. He didn't seem to care much just that we had to go back to the party. She started walking back and he walked off. I stopped her and said," If he is in front of us then he cant really catch us can he?" I grabbed her hand again and off we went down a dark path through this enchanted forest type setting. Finding an opening we scanned for Mr security guard. He wasn't around so off we went through to the fountains and a walkway under this trellis, that went for about 10 minutes. Hanging flowers and statues hiding in the bush's. Almost like a dream or a movie really. We wandered around giggling like school kids, holding hands and kissing the whole way. Found a small hedge maze that led to a beautiful rose garden with more gazebo's nestled into dark places. For an hour at least we wandered the place in the dark. A bit of light rain added to the fun i think. Her in bare feet so her shoes didn't click and make noise and me running around tickling her and goofing off. We went back to the wedding and noticed we missed the garter toss and the pie cutting and the bouquet, but whatever. I think i will treasure that memory for a long time. It was truly magical and wonderful. The added excitement that security was out there with us was the cherry on the top. All in all i had a great time and i did a bunch of things i swore i would never do again. And in the end i had one of those nights ill never forget and it was all because i didn't chicken out and took the risk. For some that may sound like nothing but for me it was a huge step to taking back life, trying new things and generally growing as a person i think. If i could leave my existence knowing i helped one person have a better life i would feel accomplished. I hope if anyone reads this they do the same. Take risks, love yourself and live this short life we get to live on a today kind of basis. Id also like to thank the people and good friends i have that have helped get me here. I did the work but they helped and supported me when i needed it. You know who you are and the roles you have played in my life. I have truly been blessed, thank you all for making my existence here so colorful. Cheers, your friend Dale
This is a link to the place i was at http://www.mintergardens.com/