Like most people i complain about my job alot. It is a drag most of the time. Without it however i think i would go crazy.In a warped twilight zone sort of way it completes my life. It gives me a chance to view random madness on a daily basis.
Im a plumber. Most people when they hear that they immediately think of toilets then shit and then think eww what a shitty job, Pardon the pun. Sure i have seen the poop more than once but its not the norm for a day at work for me. Work starts at 9AM so being the morning person that i am i get up at about 8:55 on a good day (truthfully 9:06) then with my mind still asleep and my body hurling its self towards clothes i start my day. On more than one occasion i have worn my shirt backwards and inside out. I call my boss and get my first address and few other details and off i go. Off i go to where exactly? Thats just it, i spend my days going into peoples homes and offices. I get
to see places in peoples homes they dont even go into. Its always random. I see how people live, i get to snoop in their bedrooms, closets, secret hiding spots. One time an older lady and I were looking around her ensuite bathroom tryin to figure out what she had to do for a renovation. I had to poke around lookin in closets for access panels etc. She opened her one closet up and nothing special, then she moved a few things and opened an access panel up to see under the tub in the bathroom next to us. Low and behold if she hadnt forgotten thats where she hides the monster box of dildo's vibrators and other fun things to show strangers in your home. We both stopped dead in our tracks staring at this mammoth sized box of pleasure. No one said a word, not a giggle, nothing. Then she just started talking again about what we were doing. I continued talking about the reno but that moment of awkward ,oops omg what the fuck do i say now feeling was truely hilarious. Another time i was helping my boss fix a leak in an apartment building and the tenants were all sitting around the kitchen table smoking crack. "Hey man you wanna hit?" uhh no thanks i choose life. One of my all time favorites. I go to this non descript apartment building to repair a kitchen sink faucet. I get there and two little old ladies are sitting at the kitchen table. Two 75 plus years, cookie baking, virginal (I have to think that way) grandma's. After a few minutes i realised that quite obviously they have simply loosened the spray handle and called a plumber. Then they go into the benefits to having sex with older women who's husbands are long dead and all they want is a good shag. At this point I'm stunned, completely lost for words. Usually I'm a smart ass, i always have something sarcastic to say(Hard to believe i know but its true) So I'm standing in this kitchen lost for words and they wont let up. I tried to be as nice as possible but i did that call for free and got the hell out of there. My boss later laughed at me...asshole All sorts of random stuff happening to me all day long.It gives my life spice.The work i am doing is mindless usually its the people and places i get to see that make it intresting.
Then Wednesday happened. My boss and I went to an apartment building to look at what needed to be fixed in 8 fire damaged suites. We get there and start wandering around the building. We arrive at suite 102 open the door and it was like turning on a TV, life became surreal." He's not breathing call 911!" Is what i hear as the door is opening. Peering past my boss i see two feet sticking out from around a corner. We both start dialing 911 so i stop calling and let my boss call. Theres a guy laying on the floor receiving CPR from some other guy. Its all happening so fast, like a blur. My boss is closer to them than i am and the guy doing CPR tells him to take over for a minute. I decide i cant do much here but i can at least go outside and guide the ambulance to him when they get here faster. So i run to the front. In less that 5 minutes theres a fire truck and 2 ambulances. I run them to him and get out of the way. I turned into a door stop and held the door open for them to come and go. There was a small army of people in there. They worked on him for about 45 minutes. I stood there like i was made of stone watching. Watching them put tubes down his throat trying desperately to revive him. Deep inside it didn't seem real, for some reason it seemed like a no brainer that this guy would get up and be saved. I mean that's how it happens on TV most of the time right? It was shocking to see them put a blanket on him and stop trying. Not that they didn't everything they could. I felt sick, numb, removed from my body almost the whole time. I hung around in a daze for another hour and a half. Then when i saw the cops show up i decided that i had to leave before i got stuck there for another 2 hours. Told my boss that i was useless to him for the rest of the day.
What had happened wasn't abnormal. Where there is life there is death. A very inescapable, normal part of life. For some it would be simply another day at the office. I feel sad for those people. To me it jumped up inside me and festered for awhile. Its still rather fresh. At first i was kind of horrified but i decided if i have to accept the good in life i have to accept the bad as well. It has shaken me up but i would like to try and twist it into something good. Life is not cheap, its precious. I don't want to get so wrapped up in petty useless time wasting things that i ever forget that. Life is not meant to be great everyday that's not reality. Most things can be taken many different ways, proving that its mostly my reaction to whatever happens to me. Not what actually happened. Chalk it up to yet another colorful life experience and get me on my way. I'm sad for the poor mans family. But i hope this guy lived his life how he wanted and smiled as often as he could have. Id like to say that i hope that about all my friends family and random strangers that may read this. I hope life is colorful and with a variety of wild and crazy experiences. for now I take a second to brace myself for whatever weirdness i may encounter before i go for that fateful knock at the door. " Mom there is some weird looking guy carrying a tray full of tools knocking on our door should i let him in?"
PS: A puppy dies every time you read my blog and don't leave a comment.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Friday, December 14, 2007
Proof that i am normal....
In the context of behaviour, what is normal? I hear the word alot and have never really examined it to close. lets take a ride...
Well armed with that question i went to my place of worship and asked my god for the answer. Google sent me to wikipedia (the son of my god). As always the great and mighty wikipedia gave me exactly what i was looking for, " In behavior, normal refers to a lack of significant deviation from the average. The phrase "not normal" is often applied in a negative sense (asserting that someone or some situation is improper, sick, etc.) "A lack of significant deviation from the average" That sounds like a disorder to me. Next question; What is average? Am i to assume that average is the people i encounter on a daily basis? If i was to do that i would have to see average as pretty much anything and everything that a person can feel,do say and act. So its average to be any human emotion or in any condition. The people i see daily range from all walks of life, from all types of social status. They all look different and they act, smell and im guessing taste different. Where does that leave us on this little quest for answers? It is normal to be anything, THATS the norm. I cant see any flaws in my analysis. Humans are emotional creatures. Without emotion we would be so boring that we might as well nuke ourselves off the planet. Harsh i know, but its true. People giggle when i say im normal and dont believe me but its true and i proved it!!!
Fuck it, its time to get naked wet our bodies down and dose ourselves with purple koolaid mix. Meet me in the fountain downtown!! ill see you there.....
Well armed with that question i went to my place of worship and asked my god for the answer. Google sent me to wikipedia (the son of my god). As always the great and mighty wikipedia gave me exactly what i was looking for, " In behavior, normal refers to a lack of significant deviation from the average. The phrase "not normal" is often applied in a negative sense (asserting that someone or some situation is improper, sick, etc.) "A lack of significant deviation from the average" That sounds like a disorder to me. Next question; What is average? Am i to assume that average is the people i encounter on a daily basis? If i was to do that i would have to see average as pretty much anything and everything that a person can feel,do say and act. So its average to be any human emotion or in any condition. The people i see daily range from all walks of life, from all types of social status. They all look different and they act, smell and im guessing taste different. Where does that leave us on this little quest for answers? It is normal to be anything, THATS the norm. I cant see any flaws in my analysis. Humans are emotional creatures. Without emotion we would be so boring that we might as well nuke ourselves off the planet. Harsh i know, but its true. People giggle when i say im normal and dont believe me but its true and i proved it!!!
Fuck it, its time to get naked wet our bodies down and dose ourselves with purple koolaid mix. Meet me in the fountain downtown!! ill see you there.....
Saturday, November 3, 2007
My poor mother
I was born at a young age. I started walking at about 10 months and i was speaking full sentences at about a year. My poor mother (a phrase i will be repeating) wasn't really equipped to deal with the sort of energy i had back then. I'm not sure many people could have handled me. I'm not really aware of the order of events here but that's not really important so ill be kind of all over the place, please bare with me as i share a few of my mis adventures.
My mother not being very well endowed and kind of self conscious about it would take me on the bus where ever we needed to go. I was kind of a loud individual, i guess i would yell at the top of my lungs," My mom has boobs!" She would freak and try to slink into her seat and hide. Not really sure why i said it but i must have been amused because i did it on more than one occasion I liked the bus and the people around me id always talk to strangers and stare out the window looking at trucks and things. One time i turned around and there was a man sitting directly behind us. I looked up at him and i was shocked," You have no hair," I said to the man. Him and my mother chuckling to themselves at the silly things kids say. He acted all shocked and touched his head,"What really?" I'm sure he thought he was being funny. "Your ugly!" I replied to him. My mother squirmed at that point i am sure. On many occasions i did and said things so embarrassing she would simply have to get off at the next stop and call her sister to come pick her up or wait for another bus.
I was a busy little man most of the time. I figured out how to take my crib apart when i was really little. Baby jail wasn't holding me for long. I could unscrew the bars on it and climb out on my own. So one morning when i woke up predawn. I unscrewed the bars and made my way to the front door. My parents sleeping in their room quietly had no idea. I pushed a chair up to the door unlocked the chain, dead bolt and popped the lock on the handle. I knew there was a playground close by and didn't want to bother my parents asking if i could go out. After some time passed my mom wakes up in the morning to find the door ajar and me missing from my room. Oh the panic that must have struck her heart. Freaking out she ran from room to room looking for me, but i was nowhere to be found. Running up to the window she looked outside only to see me. In my diaper riding a swing smiling away happily," Hi mom, oh your awake." My poor mother...
Another time i woke her up by running into her room screaming as loud as my poor little lungs could. She looks up at me asking," Dale whats wrong" All i can do is continue to scream with my eyes squeezed shut as hard as i could. "Open your eyes Dale, look at me, whats wrong," She is still half asleep but her mind is racing. I open my eyes and they are both completely black. Now she is sitting up confused and worried,"Dale what did you do?!?" Well for some reason i had escaped in the morning early again and went into the kitchen and poured pepper in BOTH my eyes. Not just one, but both of them. Not even a little, i had blacked out both my eyes. She grabbed me and rushed me into the kitchen and held my head in the sink rinsing my face till it cleared up. I will never quite understand why or how i managed that one but its par for the course really. The Dr told her i could have gone blind if she hadn't cleaned my eyes out as fast as she did. My poor mother......
Another time i was staying at my aunt and uncles place for the weekend. Having no kids themselves it was fun for them to take me on. I always liked going there it was like Christmas. Although the whole kids behave around others better than around their parents didn't really hold true from me. I'm not sure why but i hid my aunts keys in a sak of potatoes. They looked everywhere for hours, only to find them after the locksmith had already come out and made new keys for everything costing a fair chunk of change. I just recently heard this story for the first time, its great. My aunt and uncle were sleeping when my aunt woke up because she heard something downstairs. Jabbing my uncle in the ribs to go look, he got up and wandered down. Quietly he crept through the place, he could also hear something, but not having kids being half asleep and forgetting i was even there he was quite concerned. He spies a light on in the kitchen so he sneaks towards it. The fridge is open and he cant see anyone so he sneaks around the to the other side of the kitchen thinking he is about to happen upon this prowler. He jumps around the corner only to find me standing there naked. I had taken all my clothes off and found a big can of purple koolaid mix. Wet my body and poured it all over me, "Hi uncle Mike I'M PURPLE!" i said as pleased with myself as could be. All he could do was laugh and go grab my aunt to see the mess i had created. I was bad ass.
One time when i was really little, my mother took me to another one of my relatives homes. They had just bought this house and we were going to see it. The yard there wasn't quite finished being landscaped so there was alot of dirt and mud there. I managed to get away from her and run off into the largest puddle i could find. Off I went to the middle and sat right down. Every attempt to get close to me was met with alot of frustration as i kept splashing anything that came near me. After a few tries my mom finally gave up and let me sit there. Makes me proud to know i have always been a pain.
There was also the time i lived above my other aunt and her roommate. I think i was about 4 at the time. I have no idea what came over me but i had decided to insert the hose into their mail slot that went through the door.Oh you know what came next, i turned the hose on full blast and walked away. Wouldn't have been so bad if someone was home to stop it but that wasn't the case. My aunt returned home from work hours later only to find a huge pool of water coming out her front door. Of course i denied it but with my track record it didn't go over well. A few weeks later they had left their door unlocked and i snuck in a found a black felt pen and doodled on everything in her place. Her roommate hated me and i cant blame her i would have hated me too. Good thing i was cute when i was little i may not have survived my youth.
I had another aunt that lived next door to us in a different house. ( I do have lots of aunts and uncles) Anyways they weren't home one day and my cousin diane was over. We were outside playing and started to get bored. Diane tells me that she wants to play with the toys in my aunts place next door and being the helpful little tot that i, was decided to figure out a way inside. Checked all the windows and doors with no luck. So i grabbed a rock and walked towards the patio sliding door. SMASH! Our entry made alot of noise, so much so that my dad sleeping next door heard it and came running over and caught us inside playing with the toys. hehhehe again i tried to deny it but no luck. Geez i could go on and on. My poor mother, im surprised her hair isnt more grey than it is. Around Christmas time my parents had to go somewhere and needed a sitter. She had a friends place with kids so off i went to stay the weekend there. I grew up with these kids so i was having a great time. They had their christmas tree up with presents under it.Now i wasnt used to that because my mother knew better than to keep presents out in the open like that. Well after the first night i just couldnt help myself, i got up real early. Before anyone else in the house. Made my way over to the booty just sitting there in the open. Well a little while later my mother gets a call from her friend saying , "Come get your bastard child from our house NOW!" I had opened every present under the tree, and was playing with all the toys having a great time. They had gifts people from out of town had sent. They werent even sure who's was what. I know i know your all thinking how could I have done any of these things. But its true i was a wee bit of a handful when i was little. I still know that family i did that too and we are good friends. Again my poor mother.....
My mother not being very well endowed and kind of self conscious about it would take me on the bus where ever we needed to go. I was kind of a loud individual, i guess i would yell at the top of my lungs," My mom has boobs!" She would freak and try to slink into her seat and hide. Not really sure why i said it but i must have been amused because i did it on more than one occasion I liked the bus and the people around me id always talk to strangers and stare out the window looking at trucks and things. One time i turned around and there was a man sitting directly behind us. I looked up at him and i was shocked," You have no hair," I said to the man. Him and my mother chuckling to themselves at the silly things kids say. He acted all shocked and touched his head,"What really?" I'm sure he thought he was being funny. "Your ugly!" I replied to him. My mother squirmed at that point i am sure. On many occasions i did and said things so embarrassing she would simply have to get off at the next stop and call her sister to come pick her up or wait for another bus.
I was a busy little man most of the time. I figured out how to take my crib apart when i was really little. Baby jail wasn't holding me for long. I could unscrew the bars on it and climb out on my own. So one morning when i woke up predawn. I unscrewed the bars and made my way to the front door. My parents sleeping in their room quietly had no idea. I pushed a chair up to the door unlocked the chain, dead bolt and popped the lock on the handle. I knew there was a playground close by and didn't want to bother my parents asking if i could go out. After some time passed my mom wakes up in the morning to find the door ajar and me missing from my room. Oh the panic that must have struck her heart. Freaking out she ran from room to room looking for me, but i was nowhere to be found. Running up to the window she looked outside only to see me. In my diaper riding a swing smiling away happily," Hi mom, oh your awake." My poor mother...
Another time i woke her up by running into her room screaming as loud as my poor little lungs could. She looks up at me asking," Dale whats wrong" All i can do is continue to scream with my eyes squeezed shut as hard as i could. "Open your eyes Dale, look at me, whats wrong," She is still half asleep but her mind is racing. I open my eyes and they are both completely black. Now she is sitting up confused and worried,"Dale what did you do?!?" Well for some reason i had escaped in the morning early again and went into the kitchen and poured pepper in BOTH my eyes. Not just one, but both of them. Not even a little, i had blacked out both my eyes. She grabbed me and rushed me into the kitchen and held my head in the sink rinsing my face till it cleared up. I will never quite understand why or how i managed that one but its par for the course really. The Dr told her i could have gone blind if she hadn't cleaned my eyes out as fast as she did. My poor mother......
Another time i was staying at my aunt and uncles place for the weekend. Having no kids themselves it was fun for them to take me on. I always liked going there it was like Christmas. Although the whole kids behave around others better than around their parents didn't really hold true from me. I'm not sure why but i hid my aunts keys in a sak of potatoes. They looked everywhere for hours, only to find them after the locksmith had already come out and made new keys for everything costing a fair chunk of change. I just recently heard this story for the first time, its great. My aunt and uncle were sleeping when my aunt woke up because she heard something downstairs. Jabbing my uncle in the ribs to go look, he got up and wandered down. Quietly he crept through the place, he could also hear something, but not having kids being half asleep and forgetting i was even there he was quite concerned. He spies a light on in the kitchen so he sneaks towards it. The fridge is open and he cant see anyone so he sneaks around the to the other side of the kitchen thinking he is about to happen upon this prowler. He jumps around the corner only to find me standing there naked. I had taken all my clothes off and found a big can of purple koolaid mix. Wet my body and poured it all over me, "Hi uncle Mike I'M PURPLE!" i said as pleased with myself as could be. All he could do was laugh and go grab my aunt to see the mess i had created. I was bad ass.
One time when i was really little, my mother took me to another one of my relatives homes. They had just bought this house and we were going to see it. The yard there wasn't quite finished being landscaped so there was alot of dirt and mud there. I managed to get away from her and run off into the largest puddle i could find. Off I went to the middle and sat right down. Every attempt to get close to me was met with alot of frustration as i kept splashing anything that came near me. After a few tries my mom finally gave up and let me sit there. Makes me proud to know i have always been a pain.
There was also the time i lived above my other aunt and her roommate. I think i was about 4 at the time. I have no idea what came over me but i had decided to insert the hose into their mail slot that went through the door.Oh you know what came next, i turned the hose on full blast and walked away. Wouldn't have been so bad if someone was home to stop it but that wasn't the case. My aunt returned home from work hours later only to find a huge pool of water coming out her front door. Of course i denied it but with my track record it didn't go over well. A few weeks later they had left their door unlocked and i snuck in a found a black felt pen and doodled on everything in her place. Her roommate hated me and i cant blame her i would have hated me too. Good thing i was cute when i was little i may not have survived my youth.
I had another aunt that lived next door to us in a different house. ( I do have lots of aunts and uncles) Anyways they weren't home one day and my cousin diane was over. We were outside playing and started to get bored. Diane tells me that she wants to play with the toys in my aunts place next door and being the helpful little tot that i, was decided to figure out a way inside. Checked all the windows and doors with no luck. So i grabbed a rock and walked towards the patio sliding door. SMASH! Our entry made alot of noise, so much so that my dad sleeping next door heard it and came running over and caught us inside playing with the toys. hehhehe again i tried to deny it but no luck. Geez i could go on and on. My poor mother, im surprised her hair isnt more grey than it is. Around Christmas time my parents had to go somewhere and needed a sitter. She had a friends place with kids so off i went to stay the weekend there. I grew up with these kids so i was having a great time. They had their christmas tree up with presents under it.Now i wasnt used to that because my mother knew better than to keep presents out in the open like that. Well after the first night i just couldnt help myself, i got up real early. Before anyone else in the house. Made my way over to the booty just sitting there in the open. Well a little while later my mother gets a call from her friend saying , "Come get your bastard child from our house NOW!" I had opened every present under the tree, and was playing with all the toys having a great time. They had gifts people from out of town had sent. They werent even sure who's was what. I know i know your all thinking how could I have done any of these things. But its true i was a wee bit of a handful when i was little. I still know that family i did that too and we are good friends. Again my poor mother.....
Monday, October 29, 2007
The peak of my existance
There is this thing, a word that i just cant get enough of hearing. Its not "free" or "Yes" or "hemorrhoid" Its a simple three letter word that has the power to lift my spirit up from any depth of misery, Its "Dad" It can be said in any way sarcastic, loving, pissed off, whatever. I can not seem to get enough of that word. The only other requirement is that, well... my son has to say it. (I'm three shades of freak but cmon people get your mind out of the gutter, geez!) Back to my point, pre-parenthood my life had some meaning but it wasn't really anything substantial. Getting high or laid is hardly a meaning to life its merely an existence. I was married but that seemed like a party mostly.
When my wife got pregnant i was happy,kinda scared and supremely misinformed. I had heard all the talk about how it changes your life, listened to people tell me its the best thing ever. I heard all the buzz about it. In a small way i also knew it was going to be an experience that would forever change my life. I mostly thought of the responsibilities and diaper changes. All the missing sleep and stress that comes along with having a small child around. I am a fairly emotional guy and i was expecting to receive a flood of happiness that i had heard was part of being a parent. Even more i had seen pregnant women before and of course i knew how kids were born etc but WOW was it a shock to be that involved with a pregnant woman. My wife swelled up and was host to this creation that i helped make. It really messed with my head. I found it amusing how i had somehow missed the entire point to all of it till i was part of it. I do try to feel and see things from other peoples points of view but till that point in my life i had no idea.
After nine months of taking care of my wife and making those trips for the odd cravings women get when they are pregnant (who puts hot sauce in McDonald's strawberry milkshakes...yuck) I figured i was generally well prepared for the coming event. My son was due on May 12/2000 When that day came and went my nerves started to get a bit tense. ( i know her nerves were shot too but I'm talking about me here she can write her own damn record of events) So ya i was entering a weird place. My wife wasn't very pleased about missing her due date, I guess that's like adding time onto a prison sentence for something you didn't do. Not really fair. She begged the Dr's to induce labour. The Dr's set a date and told us when to come in. The date happened to be my birthday May 15. I wasn't sure how to take that but whatever i wasn't going to ask her to hold out for another day, Ive done stupid things before but that could have been lethal.
May 14 we went to bed around 12:00 at night, i had passed out peacefully beside my wife at my mother in laws place. Knowing we were going to need all the extra help we could get and having the opportunity it just made sense to stay there for awhile. I remember this vividly at 12:25 i hear this noise that wake's my sleeping ass up a bit," Dale my water just broke.." Now i am not good when i wake up, things are a bit foggy for me for a few minutes before i understand the world. I sit up in bed looking around thinking wtf? "Huh," is all i can muster out as i watch her walking towards the bed holding her stomach. I lay back down hoping this will all go away and let me sleep. "DALE, we have to go to the hospital my WATER BROKE!"she says again with a bit more ferocity. Lying on my back with my eyes closed on the verge of dreamland the thought runs through my head and registers fully. "OH SHIT!" I sit up straight now, " I start freaking out, "OK OK hold on a sec uhh what do we do?" I start running down the stairs in my boxers with my keys in hand. Now I'm a all flustered half naked, brain still not quite functioning but I'm trying to force it. I hear the obvious. "Hey your going to need some clothes, and how about helping me will ya" she yells at me. I turn around and by this time i am feeling a bit more coherent. I see my mother in law is awake and we all get things in order to go to the hospital. I eventually get dressed and help my wife to the truck and speed off to the hospital.
12:35 We arrive at the hospital. No shit what seemed to take forever was only a few minutes. My in laws told us to go and that they would bring her all her stuff in a bit. We get to the hospital which is located downtown, not to far from where we were staying. I find parking rather easily at midnight. We get out of the truck and start going towards the front doors only to get stopped by security, " Hey what are you doing?" they ask us. Lots of crack heads and homeless people downtown so it is kinda valid. I tell them whats up and i figure id get some sort of reaction from them. Wrong, they point at the door and casually walk away drinking their coffee's. After a bit of messing around and doing paper work she gets up to her room rather uneventfully. We are lucky to goet a room all to ourselves. Her parent show up and we start to wait.
By morning i had called my parents and brother and a few other people. They all started to show up and hang out in the room with us. My wife didn't really seem to mind. It was my birthday and she was doing ok with labor at that point. Pain for her didn't make her freak out she just got real quiet. The events of that day could fill a book up so i will kinda blurr through it. One rather funny thing did happen though. My brother from lack of sleep decided to have a nap in the waiting room. Well there was 25 kids born that day so there was alot of people in the maternity ward. He still manages to find the only couch in there and stretch out on it for a nap. What a guy. I go looking go looking for him and i peek my head in there to see if that's where he is. I see a room full of people holding their nose's i guess my bro while he slept managed to make the hospital an even more unpleasant place for everyone. I laugh and wake him up and drag him outside for a smoke. Nothing seems to be happening with my wife so i had the time. I go back into the hospital before my brother. When he comes back in he held the door for someone just to be polite. Big mistake, little did he know it was some shit disturbing crack head, and he was the one that let her in. After fighting with security to let him stay and boot only her out it was starting to get late. Its about 23 hours since i had arrived to the hospital and i hadn't had any sleep now for almost 2 days. Regardless of whether i had a place to nap, i wasn't going to miss anything for the world.
As the day ends it appears he isn't going to be born on my birthday. Her epidural slowed labor down and he wasn't coming out easy. The Dr's after lots of consideration decide that its not going to be a natural childbirth. They call for an operating room to be readied and take my wife away to pre op. I swore up and down i was not going to leave her side and i would be there with her. I told her that i told the Dr's that. The Dr's told me i couldn't go into pre op with her but i could be with her when they do the procedure. I wasn't very happy about it but at that point i couldn't say much she was already gone. I wandered over to where they said to go and i was led into a waiting room and i put on the gown and gloves etc, so i could go into the operating room. I kept asking the Dr i was with ,"when can i go see her?" He kept stalling me. i knew she was across the hall but i wasn't allowed into the room yet i had to wait for who knows what. After about ten minutes i got really pissy. I had finally had enough of this DR stalling me. I stood up and walked across the hall with im in hot pursuit calling me back. Fuck him i wasn't going to miss this for anything if i had to knock him out to get in there i was willing to. I bust open the doors only to hear, "whats he doing in here, he isn't allowed in here." I shot a look at the guy eyeing me up that said uh no I'm not going anywhere. I ran over to my wife who was at this point laying on her back with a curtain up so she couldn't see her belly. I wasn't going to cause any trouble unless they tried to remove me so they gave me a stool and let me stay. This is where things get a bit hazy. I'm sitting there talking to her and trying my best to keep her and me calm when i hear a screaming baby. My heart leaps into my throat as the reality of "I'm going to be a parent soon" really starts to register in my head. I ask the Dr is it a boy or a girl because i am sitting down and cant quite see anything that's going on. He tells me to have a look. Now i am going to remember this moment in my life forever. In fact if i have only a brief second to think before i die this is what i will be thinking. I stand up to see my baby, not knowing is it a boy or a girl, and OMG there is her huge belly ( i cant see the incision) but theres this huge belly with just this little head poking out screaming. I fall back into my chair dazed. She screams seeing my reaction, "WHATS WRONG OMG WHAT WHAT." Ignoring her i stand up again only to see the nurse or Dr or whoever reach in and pull my screaming baby out. Wow i need a moment...... OK well i have heard most people start counting fingers and toes, check to see the sex etc... All i saw was this red/purple screaming baby in all its glory. I didn't notice anything but baby, The DR has to tell me its a boy and that everything seems to be OK. I look at her and we both have one of those moments that will last a lifetime.
They ask me at this point do you want to stay with your wife or go with your son. I shoot her a look of(well i have seen you many times but hey this is new...) Sorry babe your on your own. Kiss her on the forehead and follow my baby down the hall to the maternity ward. On our way out of the O.R. the doors open up and i can see about 8 people standing there waiting to hear the news, my mom her mom , my brother and a few others. We are about 20' down the hall from them and they are yelling at me ," what is it? boy, girl what what what!!!!" for shits and giggles i only smile and walk slowly towards them not saying a word. (I'm such a dick hehehe) I finally tell them its a boy and his name is Jerry. Everyone beams and is all excited we head to the maternity ward. 9.5 pounds 23" long he is the biggest kid born that day. My family and friends all exhausted from the day at the hospital leave to get some rest.Now i have been up for almost 2 days its about 3AM and all is quiet in the ward. My wife is off getting her post op stuff ( i really have no idea what happened i wasn't there) the nurse tells me i can hold him for awhile if i want. I sat on a stool in the corner quietly staring at my beautiful son for almost 5 hours. Cradling him in my arms all swaddled up in a blanket my neck bent over not blinking forever. I eventually let the nurse take him away so i could get some sleep. I went back to our room to find my wife had fallen asleep and was doing good. All in all it was by far the best day of my life, nothing will ever top that one.
Back to my original point of all this, i thought i had a pretty good idea what it was going to mean for me to be a parent. Knew it was going to change me in huge ways. But no one could have ever told me the instant i laid eyes on my son that i would suddenly know exactly why i was here. Peace!
When my wife got pregnant i was happy,kinda scared and supremely misinformed. I had heard all the talk about how it changes your life, listened to people tell me its the best thing ever. I heard all the buzz about it. In a small way i also knew it was going to be an experience that would forever change my life. I mostly thought of the responsibilities and diaper changes. All the missing sleep and stress that comes along with having a small child around. I am a fairly emotional guy and i was expecting to receive a flood of happiness that i had heard was part of being a parent. Even more i had seen pregnant women before and of course i knew how kids were born etc but WOW was it a shock to be that involved with a pregnant woman. My wife swelled up and was host to this creation that i helped make. It really messed with my head. I found it amusing how i had somehow missed the entire point to all of it till i was part of it. I do try to feel and see things from other peoples points of view but till that point in my life i had no idea.
After nine months of taking care of my wife and making those trips for the odd cravings women get when they are pregnant (who puts hot sauce in McDonald's strawberry milkshakes...yuck) I figured i was generally well prepared for the coming event. My son was due on May 12/2000 When that day came and went my nerves started to get a bit tense. ( i know her nerves were shot too but I'm talking about me here she can write her own damn record of events) So ya i was entering a weird place. My wife wasn't very pleased about missing her due date, I guess that's like adding time onto a prison sentence for something you didn't do. Not really fair. She begged the Dr's to induce labour. The Dr's set a date and told us when to come in. The date happened to be my birthday May 15. I wasn't sure how to take that but whatever i wasn't going to ask her to hold out for another day, Ive done stupid things before but that could have been lethal.
May 14 we went to bed around 12:00 at night, i had passed out peacefully beside my wife at my mother in laws place. Knowing we were going to need all the extra help we could get and having the opportunity it just made sense to stay there for awhile. I remember this vividly at 12:25 i hear this noise that wake's my sleeping ass up a bit," Dale my water just broke.." Now i am not good when i wake up, things are a bit foggy for me for a few minutes before i understand the world. I sit up in bed looking around thinking wtf? "Huh," is all i can muster out as i watch her walking towards the bed holding her stomach. I lay back down hoping this will all go away and let me sleep. "DALE, we have to go to the hospital my WATER BROKE!"she says again with a bit more ferocity. Lying on my back with my eyes closed on the verge of dreamland the thought runs through my head and registers fully. "OH SHIT!" I sit up straight now, " I start freaking out, "OK OK hold on a sec uhh what do we do?" I start running down the stairs in my boxers with my keys in hand. Now I'm a all flustered half naked, brain still not quite functioning but I'm trying to force it. I hear the obvious. "Hey your going to need some clothes, and how about helping me will ya" she yells at me. I turn around and by this time i am feeling a bit more coherent. I see my mother in law is awake and we all get things in order to go to the hospital. I eventually get dressed and help my wife to the truck and speed off to the hospital.
12:35 We arrive at the hospital. No shit what seemed to take forever was only a few minutes. My in laws told us to go and that they would bring her all her stuff in a bit. We get to the hospital which is located downtown, not to far from where we were staying. I find parking rather easily at midnight. We get out of the truck and start going towards the front doors only to get stopped by security, " Hey what are you doing?" they ask us. Lots of crack heads and homeless people downtown so it is kinda valid. I tell them whats up and i figure id get some sort of reaction from them. Wrong, they point at the door and casually walk away drinking their coffee's. After a bit of messing around and doing paper work she gets up to her room rather uneventfully. We are lucky to goet a room all to ourselves. Her parent show up and we start to wait.
By morning i had called my parents and brother and a few other people. They all started to show up and hang out in the room with us. My wife didn't really seem to mind. It was my birthday and she was doing ok with labor at that point. Pain for her didn't make her freak out she just got real quiet. The events of that day could fill a book up so i will kinda blurr through it. One rather funny thing did happen though. My brother from lack of sleep decided to have a nap in the waiting room. Well there was 25 kids born that day so there was alot of people in the maternity ward. He still manages to find the only couch in there and stretch out on it for a nap. What a guy. I go looking go looking for him and i peek my head in there to see if that's where he is. I see a room full of people holding their nose's i guess my bro while he slept managed to make the hospital an even more unpleasant place for everyone. I laugh and wake him up and drag him outside for a smoke. Nothing seems to be happening with my wife so i had the time. I go back into the hospital before my brother. When he comes back in he held the door for someone just to be polite. Big mistake, little did he know it was some shit disturbing crack head, and he was the one that let her in. After fighting with security to let him stay and boot only her out it was starting to get late. Its about 23 hours since i had arrived to the hospital and i hadn't had any sleep now for almost 2 days. Regardless of whether i had a place to nap, i wasn't going to miss anything for the world.
As the day ends it appears he isn't going to be born on my birthday. Her epidural slowed labor down and he wasn't coming out easy. The Dr's after lots of consideration decide that its not going to be a natural childbirth. They call for an operating room to be readied and take my wife away to pre op. I swore up and down i was not going to leave her side and i would be there with her. I told her that i told the Dr's that. The Dr's told me i couldn't go into pre op with her but i could be with her when they do the procedure. I wasn't very happy about it but at that point i couldn't say much she was already gone. I wandered over to where they said to go and i was led into a waiting room and i put on the gown and gloves etc, so i could go into the operating room. I kept asking the Dr i was with ,"when can i go see her?" He kept stalling me. i knew she was across the hall but i wasn't allowed into the room yet i had to wait for who knows what. After about ten minutes i got really pissy. I had finally had enough of this DR stalling me. I stood up and walked across the hall with im in hot pursuit calling me back. Fuck him i wasn't going to miss this for anything if i had to knock him out to get in there i was willing to. I bust open the doors only to hear, "whats he doing in here, he isn't allowed in here." I shot a look at the guy eyeing me up that said uh no I'm not going anywhere. I ran over to my wife who was at this point laying on her back with a curtain up so she couldn't see her belly. I wasn't going to cause any trouble unless they tried to remove me so they gave me a stool and let me stay. This is where things get a bit hazy. I'm sitting there talking to her and trying my best to keep her and me calm when i hear a screaming baby. My heart leaps into my throat as the reality of "I'm going to be a parent soon" really starts to register in my head. I ask the Dr is it a boy or a girl because i am sitting down and cant quite see anything that's going on. He tells me to have a look. Now i am going to remember this moment in my life forever. In fact if i have only a brief second to think before i die this is what i will be thinking. I stand up to see my baby, not knowing is it a boy or a girl, and OMG there is her huge belly ( i cant see the incision) but theres this huge belly with just this little head poking out screaming. I fall back into my chair dazed. She screams seeing my reaction, "WHATS WRONG OMG WHAT WHAT." Ignoring her i stand up again only to see the nurse or Dr or whoever reach in and pull my screaming baby out. Wow i need a moment...... OK well i have heard most people start counting fingers and toes, check to see the sex etc... All i saw was this red/purple screaming baby in all its glory. I didn't notice anything but baby, The DR has to tell me its a boy and that everything seems to be OK. I look at her and we both have one of those moments that will last a lifetime.
They ask me at this point do you want to stay with your wife or go with your son. I shoot her a look of(well i have seen you many times but hey this is new...) Sorry babe your on your own. Kiss her on the forehead and follow my baby down the hall to the maternity ward. On our way out of the O.R. the doors open up and i can see about 8 people standing there waiting to hear the news, my mom her mom , my brother and a few others. We are about 20' down the hall from them and they are yelling at me ," what is it? boy, girl what what what!!!!" for shits and giggles i only smile and walk slowly towards them not saying a word. (I'm such a dick hehehe) I finally tell them its a boy and his name is Jerry. Everyone beams and is all excited we head to the maternity ward. 9.5 pounds 23" long he is the biggest kid born that day. My family and friends all exhausted from the day at the hospital leave to get some rest.Now i have been up for almost 2 days its about 3AM and all is quiet in the ward. My wife is off getting her post op stuff ( i really have no idea what happened i wasn't there) the nurse tells me i can hold him for awhile if i want. I sat on a stool in the corner quietly staring at my beautiful son for almost 5 hours. Cradling him in my arms all swaddled up in a blanket my neck bent over not blinking forever. I eventually let the nurse take him away so i could get some sleep. I went back to our room to find my wife had fallen asleep and was doing good. All in all it was by far the best day of my life, nothing will ever top that one.
Back to my original point of all this, i thought i had a pretty good idea what it was going to mean for me to be a parent. Knew it was going to change me in huge ways. But no one could have ever told me the instant i laid eyes on my son that i would suddenly know exactly why i was here. Peace!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Sharing a trip through my thoughts
1 am Saturday night, sinking feeling in my gut again. Yesterday i was riding as high as ever, and today i seemed to have slowly sunk back into the mire. Start taking to my usual companions, my endless thoughts running in circles. I start counting my blessings to avoid the darker thoughts. I'm healthy,my son is happy and growing up to be a beautiful person inside and out. I make way more money than my bills add up to in a month. I answer to no one and my job is better than anything i could ever ask for. Any one of those things should be more than enough to get a smile on my face.
I hate to think of myself as a whiner. I don't like to hear complaining from people not willing to do what it takes to fix their problems. That drives me nuts, they don't deserve any attention if they aren't willing to give themselves a chance. Who wants to hear someone bitch if they don't listen? Its lame. So i write, paint, play guitar,and read. Doing whatever it takes to distract myself from the things i fear most in life. knowing that hiding from your fears is the worst thing you can do. It makes them grow. After awhile something that might have sorta bothered you becomes paralyzing. Like clinging to a rock that only gets heavier as you get swept out into deeper water.
I come back to my favorite solution.....I think. What do i fear? failure? embarrassment? pain? what? First of all if i never do anything i have already failed. I am used to failure by now. Embarrassment is an easy one. I am here exposing myself without hesitation. There is no reason for me to fear pain either, considering i am already in pain (mentally) by being in this situation. I don't want to be alone, and at the same time i don't want to be stuck in some kind of relationship. Am i insufferable? Is there no answer for me? I am a very social person trapped inside an antisocial shell that i have created. A major problem for me is my inability to feel any real happy emotion. When i do it doesn't seem to last. I can hold onto feeling shitty forever. Is feeling shitty the result of a lack of trying? Like a base emotion that takes no effort? How do i get the energy to try when its paralyzing to take a step forward?
Everyone is a result of their experiences in my opinion. Mine haven't been all that great. A failed marriage that i poured every bit of my soul into only to have it blow up on me in in almost the worst imaginable way. I refuse to blame my ex wife for my mental issues though, that's weak. Regardless of the details in that we both made mistakes and we both contributed its failure. My childhood was far from perfect but i always knew i was loved and cared for. I was never abused. All in all i think generally my life has been rather normal compared to most people. In fact it wouldn't be a huge stretch to say i have done pretty good for myself. Yet here i am 2 am Saturday morning alone, feeling my gut drop through the floor. Am i an attention whore? I seem to need constant reassurance from people around me that everything will be OK. Like a dog that is either chasing its tail incessantly or begging to have someone pay attention to it.
Well after pouring all this out i feel better. In a way i have answered a lot of the questions i needed answered. I feel better for getting it out there. I don't quite understand my need to post these sorts of intimate feelings i dwell on, but i do. "Thinking" isn't my friend if there is no action. I must take action and go out, fail or succeed. Whatever the case may be. Doing something will distract me from the circle of thought running through my head. Funny the answer was staring me in the face this whole time and i conveniently avoid it.
I hate to think of myself as a whiner. I don't like to hear complaining from people not willing to do what it takes to fix their problems. That drives me nuts, they don't deserve any attention if they aren't willing to give themselves a chance. Who wants to hear someone bitch if they don't listen? Its lame. So i write, paint, play guitar,and read. Doing whatever it takes to distract myself from the things i fear most in life. knowing that hiding from your fears is the worst thing you can do. It makes them grow. After awhile something that might have sorta bothered you becomes paralyzing. Like clinging to a rock that only gets heavier as you get swept out into deeper water.
I come back to my favorite solution.....I think. What do i fear? failure? embarrassment? pain? what? First of all if i never do anything i have already failed. I am used to failure by now. Embarrassment is an easy one. I am here exposing myself without hesitation. There is no reason for me to fear pain either, considering i am already in pain (mentally) by being in this situation. I don't want to be alone, and at the same time i don't want to be stuck in some kind of relationship. Am i insufferable? Is there no answer for me? I am a very social person trapped inside an antisocial shell that i have created. A major problem for me is my inability to feel any real happy emotion. When i do it doesn't seem to last. I can hold onto feeling shitty forever. Is feeling shitty the result of a lack of trying? Like a base emotion that takes no effort? How do i get the energy to try when its paralyzing to take a step forward?
Everyone is a result of their experiences in my opinion. Mine haven't been all that great. A failed marriage that i poured every bit of my soul into only to have it blow up on me in in almost the worst imaginable way. I refuse to blame my ex wife for my mental issues though, that's weak. Regardless of the details in that we both made mistakes and we both contributed its failure. My childhood was far from perfect but i always knew i was loved and cared for. I was never abused. All in all i think generally my life has been rather normal compared to most people. In fact it wouldn't be a huge stretch to say i have done pretty good for myself. Yet here i am 2 am Saturday morning alone, feeling my gut drop through the floor. Am i an attention whore? I seem to need constant reassurance from people around me that everything will be OK. Like a dog that is either chasing its tail incessantly or begging to have someone pay attention to it.
Well after pouring all this out i feel better. In a way i have answered a lot of the questions i needed answered. I feel better for getting it out there. I don't quite understand my need to post these sorts of intimate feelings i dwell on, but i do. "Thinking" isn't my friend if there is no action. I must take action and go out, fail or succeed. Whatever the case may be. Doing something will distract me from the circle of thought running through my head. Funny the answer was staring me in the face this whole time and i conveniently avoid it.
Friday, October 26, 2007
My favorite song
Lateralus
Black then white are all i see in my infancy
Black then white are all i see in my infancy
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me
lets me see
as below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason
Push the envelope
Watch it bend
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
Black then white are all i see in my infancy
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me
lets me see there is so much more and
beckons me to look thru to these infinite possibilities
as below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come
I embrace my desire to
I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired to fathom the power, to witness the beauty
to bathe in the fountain
to swing on the spiral
to swing on the spiral
to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human
With my feet upon the ground I move myself between the sounds and open wide to suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin
I'm reaching up and reaching out. I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me
what ever will bewilder me
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going
Spiral out. Keep going
Spiral out. Keep going
Spiral out. Keep going
Spiral out. Keep going
lyrics/vocals :Maynard James Keenan
drums: Danny Carey
Bass: Justin Chancellor
Guitar: Adam Jones
Band: Tool
I just couldn't post a blog about myself without including one of the biggest influences in my life. Music is very important to me almost like my Gospel. This is by far my favorite song ever written. I accept that is fully just an opinion but its touched me deeply. Hope you get a chance to atleast hear the song im sure its on youtube or something but ya for me its greatness. Thanks for reading, Peace.......
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Always read the label!!!
After my last rant i figured I would write about an experience that was both really funny and really unfunny all at the same time. Its good to be able to laugh at yourself, i know i do all the time.....
So there i was driving to work listening to the radio one morning a few years ago. Minding my own business. The radio usually bugs me cause i never get to hear any music that i enjoy and the advertising is always irritating. I guess i have no good answer to the question, "Then why listen to the radio at all?" At any rate i no longer listen to the radio and well this little story has lots to do with that i suppose. Where was I? oh right driving on my way to work, half asleep so i must have been suggestible. One of the dj's was talking about how he had shaved his pubic region clean. He was saying how his gf loved it and was getting himself more happy naked time with her etc. They were accepting calls from the public on this issue too. Tons of women were phoning in and going on about how that was the best, and that they really enjoyed it. As i arrived at work i never really gave it any more thought.
So later that day after working in the dirt i went home and took that refreshing after work shower. Usually while I'm in the shower i reflect on the day i had and think about things i saw and heard. Suddenly i am reminded about the conversation i heard on the radio. Now i am not a very hairy person and at this point in my life i didn't have to shave much if ever. So I'm looking down at my boys thinking hrmmm would she really like it if i shaved them bald? Not owning my own razor at the time and knowing better than to use hers, i grabbed a new ladies razor out of her pack from under the sink after my shower. Remember i am a total newb at shaving so i don't consider all the finer points to doing it properly. I take this new razor and with no soap or shaving cream at all i begin to clean up my "area" I like to do most things quickly so i waste no time in getting the task at hand completed.I'm standing there in the washroom alone looking at the fine job i have done when i start to feel this burning sensation. (how was i supposed to know dry shaving with a new razor is a really bad idea) This burning sensation is growing and i am thinking fast, how can i stop this from getting worse. Well as most married men know their bathrooms are full of creams and containers full of all sorts of stuff. I start looking for the nearest container that looks like it might help take the edge off. I grab one and crack it open as fast as i can cause at this point I'm holding back tears. Well let me tell you what happens next will forever be burned into my mind..... I open this container and start lathering myself up as fast as i can thinking that i have found my cure. Boy was i wrong, the burning is magnified ten times. At this point there is that whole matrix slow motion thing going on as i turn the container around so i can read what it is......."Biore' deep heating pore cleanser" My eyes bulge out of my head like a cartoon character that's just realised he is about to explode!!!! My shrieks can be heard from the neighbors house i am sure and i leap as fast as i can into the shower to try and rinse my poor burning crotch off. At this moment there is a knocking at the bathroom door, "Whats going on in there are you OK?!?" I'm standing in the tub as close as i can get to the tub spout and splashing myself as fast as i can, to no avail. Its nearly impossible to wash off pore cleanser once its on. All the water in the world isn't going to help. The razor burn was bad then the burning pore cleanser was worse now to top the whole experience off nicely i have a witness. The rest i think i have blocked out as i was spent. After that whole ordeal i learned a few valuable lessons, I don't listen to the radio anymore, i take care when i shave. Id like to say i always read labels but id be lying, but if i am ever to put cream near my boys again i don't think i could do it without reading the msds data sheets on it. Funny thing is deep inside while all that chaos was going on i still knew it was fucking hilarious. I must be a masochist.
So there i was driving to work listening to the radio one morning a few years ago. Minding my own business. The radio usually bugs me cause i never get to hear any music that i enjoy and the advertising is always irritating. I guess i have no good answer to the question, "Then why listen to the radio at all?" At any rate i no longer listen to the radio and well this little story has lots to do with that i suppose. Where was I? oh right driving on my way to work, half asleep so i must have been suggestible. One of the dj's was talking about how he had shaved his pubic region clean. He was saying how his gf loved it and was getting himself more happy naked time with her etc. They were accepting calls from the public on this issue too. Tons of women were phoning in and going on about how that was the best, and that they really enjoyed it. As i arrived at work i never really gave it any more thought.
So later that day after working in the dirt i went home and took that refreshing after work shower. Usually while I'm in the shower i reflect on the day i had and think about things i saw and heard. Suddenly i am reminded about the conversation i heard on the radio. Now i am not a very hairy person and at this point in my life i didn't have to shave much if ever. So I'm looking down at my boys thinking hrmmm would she really like it if i shaved them bald? Not owning my own razor at the time and knowing better than to use hers, i grabbed a new ladies razor out of her pack from under the sink after my shower. Remember i am a total newb at shaving so i don't consider all the finer points to doing it properly. I take this new razor and with no soap or shaving cream at all i begin to clean up my "area" I like to do most things quickly so i waste no time in getting the task at hand completed.I'm standing there in the washroom alone looking at the fine job i have done when i start to feel this burning sensation. (how was i supposed to know dry shaving with a new razor is a really bad idea) This burning sensation is growing and i am thinking fast, how can i stop this from getting worse. Well as most married men know their bathrooms are full of creams and containers full of all sorts of stuff. I start looking for the nearest container that looks like it might help take the edge off. I grab one and crack it open as fast as i can cause at this point I'm holding back tears. Well let me tell you what happens next will forever be burned into my mind..... I open this container and start lathering myself up as fast as i can thinking that i have found my cure. Boy was i wrong, the burning is magnified ten times. At this point there is that whole matrix slow motion thing going on as i turn the container around so i can read what it is......."Biore' deep heating pore cleanser" My eyes bulge out of my head like a cartoon character that's just realised he is about to explode!!!! My shrieks can be heard from the neighbors house i am sure and i leap as fast as i can into the shower to try and rinse my poor burning crotch off. At this moment there is a knocking at the bathroom door, "Whats going on in there are you OK?!?" I'm standing in the tub as close as i can get to the tub spout and splashing myself as fast as i can, to no avail. Its nearly impossible to wash off pore cleanser once its on. All the water in the world isn't going to help. The razor burn was bad then the burning pore cleanser was worse now to top the whole experience off nicely i have a witness. The rest i think i have blocked out as i was spent. After that whole ordeal i learned a few valuable lessons, I don't listen to the radio anymore, i take care when i shave. Id like to say i always read labels but id be lying, but if i am ever to put cream near my boys again i don't think i could do it without reading the msds data sheets on it. Funny thing is deep inside while all that chaos was going on i still knew it was fucking hilarious. I must be a masochist.
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