Always read the label!!!

After my last rant i figured I would write about an experience that was both really funny and really unfunny all at the same time. Its good to be able to laugh at yourself, i know i do all the time.....
So there i was driving to work listening to the radio one morning a few years ago. Minding my own business. The radio usually bugs me cause i never get to hear any music that i enjoy and the advertising is always irritating. I guess i have no good answer to the question, "Then why listen to the radio at all?" At any rate i no longer listen to the radio and well this little story has lots to do with that i suppose. Where was I? oh right driving on my way to work, half asleep so i must have been suggestible. One of the dj's was talking about how he had shaved his pubic region clean. He was saying how his gf loved it and was getting himself more happy naked time with her etc. They were accepting calls from the public on this issue too. Tons of women were phoning in and going on about how that was the best, and that they really enjoyed it. As i arrived at work i never really gave it any more thought.
So later that day after working in the dirt i went home and took that refreshing after work shower. Usually while I'm in the shower i reflect on the day i had and think about things i saw and heard. Suddenly i am reminded about the conversation i heard on the radio. Now i am not a very hairy person and at this point in my life i didn't have to shave much if ever. So I'm looking down at my boys thinking hrmmm would she really like it if i shaved them bald? Not owning my own razor at the time and knowing better than to use hers, i grabbed a new ladies razor out of her pack from under the sink after my shower. Remember i am a total newb at shaving so i don't consider all the finer points to doing it properly. I take this new razor and with no soap or shaving cream at all i begin to clean up my "area" I like to do most things quickly so i waste no time in getting the task at hand completed.I'm standing there in the washroom alone looking at the fine job i have done when i start to feel this burning sensation. (how was i supposed to know dry shaving with a new razor is a really bad idea) This burning sensation is growing and i am thinking fast, how can i stop this from getting worse. Well as most married men know their bathrooms are full of creams and containers full of all sorts of stuff. I start looking for the nearest container that looks like it might help take the edge off. I grab one and crack it open as fast as i can cause at this point I'm holding back tears. Well let me tell you what happens next will forever be burned into my mind..... I open this container and start lathering myself up as fast as i can thinking that i have found my cure. Boy was i wrong, the burning is magnified ten times. At this point there is that whole matrix slow motion thing going on as i turn the container around so i can read what it is......."Biore' deep heating pore cleanser" My eyes bulge out of my head like a cartoon character that's just realised he is about to explode!!!! My shrieks can be heard from the neighbors house i am sure and i leap as fast as i can into the shower to try and rinse my poor burning crotch off. At this moment there is a knocking at the bathroom door, "Whats going on in there are you OK?!?" I'm standing in the tub as close as i can get to the tub spout and splashing myself as fast as i can, to no avail. Its nearly impossible to wash off pore cleanser once its on. All the water in the world isn't going to help. The razor burn was bad then the burning pore cleanser was worse now to top the whole experience off nicely i have a witness. The rest i think i have blocked out as i was spent. After that whole ordeal i learned a few valuable lessons, I don't listen to the radio anymore, i take care when i shave. Id like to say i always read labels but id be lying, but if i am ever to put cream near my boys again i don't think i could do it without reading the msds data sheets on it. Funny thing is deep inside while all that chaos was going on i still knew it was fucking hilarious. I must be a masochist.